M & M Wisdom

Sometimes it’s just hard when we think we know what we need and we know very well what we want and we don’t seem to be getting either one.  It’s so easy to make an assessment of our situation and by using our best judgment and resources come up with a plan. All of this is well and good as the Bible teaches us to use our gifts to the best of our abilities. What I tend to forget is that at the same time God tells us not to depend on our own reasoning and to be content in whatever our circumstance; even if things don’t seem to be going according to plan. I forget God has a plan for me that may or may not be similar to mine. This is even a harder thing to teach our children.  Being a parent is hard. I love to see our beloved children happy but often giving them whatever they think will make them happy usually has the opposite result in the long run. Usually I’m very good at seeing clearly my role as parent and am not easily swayed. However, I’m human and flesh and blood and on occasion I just get tired of the resistance and try to take an easier route. That usually doesn’t work, either.  Case in point, the M & M fiasco.

When our youngest daughter was about 3 and we were home enjoying some time alone she made a simple request for some M & M’s.  Knowing how much my little sweetie loved sweets I was happy to offer her a small portion of candies in a small container; just the right size for my pint sized Love. After she finished her treat she asked for more. In my Great Mom Wisdom I confidently explained that what I gave her was just the right amount. She asked again. Again, I patiently assured her she had had enough and there was more for another time and let’s just get on with our lovely time together. She made yet another request and persisted in asking for more…just one more helping. I shared with her my superior knowledge of the effect of too much candy on little tummies and how my great for love for her was to keep her happy and well. She continued to rather adamantly beg for more. I caved. Gave her another small container of M & M’s and thought it was a small concession to end the harassment and allow us to get on with our time together. After downing the last candy-coated chocolate tidbit she immediately asked for another helping. Now I knew that was not a good idea. In fact I knew it was not a good idea to give her the second helping . In my Great Mom Wisdom I justified, “OK, I’ll just let her have what she wants and she will come to see how infinitely more wise I am, accept I know better and never question me again.” I opened the floodgates and let her eat her fill until she didn’t ask for more. Of course she got sick. While I very lovingly tended to my miserable little angel I stroked her green face and very gently asked her, “Honey, do you understand now why you feel sick?” My sweet baby looked earnestly in my face and said most sincerely, “Yes. You should have never given me those M & M’s.”

When I think I feel myself waning when my now much older children have very different desires than M & M’s I think of this and pray for the strength, wisdom and courage to be the parent they need me to be even when they don’t understand or appreciate it. Isn’t this just how God the Father loves us? In spite of our approval or permission He does all the really hard stuff and loves us enough to give us what we really need and not just what we demand or think we want. I am so grateful…so grateful. I may not have all the answers or get it all right but I have the One in my life who does to help me! How great is that?!

Tissues of Forgiveness

It's been a few weeks since I've posted---been busy running kids to workouts and camps and getting my kitchen redone. Now that my life seems to be in reasonable order I can actually form a thought again.

I originally wrote this a few years ago and it's one of the first things I put down on paper. It was such a cathartic experience I continued to do so and haven't stopped since. Anyway, recently while I've been a bit preoccupied adjusting to the demands of teenage schedules and emptying the contents of my kitchen I found myself experiencing a bit of deja vu with tissue remains in the laundry again. In addition to the tissues I discovered my husband and son added chewing gum to their repertoires. If you have ever scraped tiny bits of gum off your clothes and washer and dryer I know you will feel my pain. I couldn't help but notice the similarity to my previous Tissue Episode in that I was feeling stretched in many directions and these very annoying incidents sent me into tantrums I am too embarrassed to share in detail. Reviewing my former observation and insight did help me get a handle on bringing things back down to a manageable size. Enjoy!

I bet you are wondering what tissues have to do with faith and forgiveness. Let me explain. My husband has a habit of tucking tissues in his pant and shirt pockets. He cannot defend his behavior other than he feels he needs to have them available just in case he needs one. I really have no beef with him using tissues or with his reasoning to always be prepared. What I have a problem with is that he often forgets to remove the tissues from these various pockets when he adds his clothes to the laundry.

Now I don’t want to just complain about my husband. There is a lesson here if you stay with me. When we were blessed with children we decided that I would leave my career to stay home full-time. Because I stayed home and he left for work it only made sense that the domestic duties would fall largely on me. It wasn’t that I quit working. It was more like a major change in my job description. In the same way I approach nearly everything I take my job seriously and expect nothing less than 110% of myself. I can’t help it; it’s just the way I am. That goes for the laundry and everything else I do in and around the house. I can’t tell you what it would do to me to open the washer and find tatters of tissues over a whole load of clean clothes. Sometimes it would help to run the load through the dryer but often times it would require re-washing the load. On a good day it bugged me. On days when my time and patience were already challenged I would allow myself a brief angry outburst out of earshot of the children. I would then muster up any kindness I had in me and ask my husband to please try and remember to take the tissues out of his pockets and he would apologetically promise me he would try. This has gone on for years. The tension has built surrounding these “Tissue Incidents” in direct proportion to the ups and downs in our marriage. When I am feeling good about life in general I have been able to keep it in perspective. However, self-centeredness tends to narrow one’s vision. I hate to admit it but there have been times when I have really lost it over these tissues. I have been less than kind and more critical in my demands that my husband get it straight where tissues and laundry are concerned. On occasion I have been at the brink of despair and feared it was more than I could live with; the tissues were the proverbial straw that would push me over the edge. Now before you judge me too harshly let me say that during certain moments of clarity I have realized my behavior has been more about my overall satisfaction with life in general rather than actual tissue related inconveniences. I have also realized that my tolerance and willingness to forgive are in direct proportion to how closely I am walking with the Lord. I made a decision to turn this matter over to God. If I needed to practice forgiveness, so be it. If God felt it best to remove this habit from my husband, even better! Whatever, I was willing to let Him use those tissues to His glory. So I started saving them and placing them on my husband’s dresser with “I forgive you” written on a notepad. No more pleading, begging, reminding, nagging or yelling about tissues. Believe it or not I was actually having fun with this! I was feeling all proud of myself that I managed to rise above this petty grievance until one day I opened the washer and found a broken ball point pen that had been left in a pocket and had covered the clothes in ink. In total disbelief and panic I literally cried out, “ God! Are you kidding? Do you really expect me to forgive him this, too?!” And do you want to know what I heard? “YES! How many times have I forgiven you?”

The Lord is with me in everything I do. There is no matter that is not important enough to take to Him. I can trust Him completely to take me where I need to go and how I will get there. Even with ink stains or tissue remnants clinging to my clothes.

“Forgive us our sins as we also forgive everyone who sins against us.”~ Luke 11:4