The Easy Way

A number of things over the past few months have left me thinking about who I want to be. I can perform hard work but I have become increasingly conscious about choosing the path of least resistance. Generally I'd say I'm responsible and get my Must Haves done. I sometimes use that to allow myself some slack. Well, maybe a lot of slack. I tell myself I'm just pacing myself. Sometimes a snail's pace, but still getting things done so what's the big deal? Here's the big deal:  I notice the temptation to take the easy way is often misleading. There is no Easy Way. It's a lie. Some ways only appear easy but in the long run, not so easy. Now I like to promote Working Smarter, Not Harder but that's not what I'm referring to. I'm talking about avoidance and/or denial and losing balance. For example, when I lose balance between work and relaxation I become admittedly more lazy. Laziness for me means that I leave things go until it becomes guilt-producing. That in turn often results in me being increasingly intolerant and cranky. Same for the balance between healthy boundaries and apathy, surrender and complacency, admiration and jealousy, splurging and gluttony, etc...you get the picture. It's a slippery slope. It doesn't take long for me to get caught up in a spiral of negativity. Taking what seems like the Easy Way results in quick, short-lived rewards that don't hold up and leave me feeling worse off in the long run. Here's how God puts it, "but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death." (James 1: 16-17, NIV) My efforts toward healthy living habits, my relationships and my faith life can all fall prey to the lie that it's too hard and that's when I start looking for the Easy Way. When I feel tired of trying I tell myself  I need a break. "Needing a break" usually translates into "Going back to old, familiar ways". Doesn't matter if they work for my benefit or not; just that they are familiar and seem easier. Don't misunderstand. Sometimes I do need a break in the form of rest, respite or a Time Out. We all need refreshment every now and then. Life can be hard. Anyone who's ever struggled with changing habits, loved someone, or been tested in their faith knows it can be hard. Really hard. I can't help but think of Eve. Poor Eve. She had the best of the best opportunity for success in every way yet she doubted it was enough. Eve was tempted by taking what seemed like the Easy Way. She was coerced into considering she could have a quick path to being like God. Once the thought took hold she followed through with disobeying God's directive and opened the door to the consequences for going against God's rules. I remember once when our son was caught and confronted with some act of disobedience. He was young--maybe four or five years old. I don't even remember what he had done but I do remember he was stricken with immediate and great remorse. He cried and lamented behind his closed bedroom door berating and questioning his poor choice. In a final exasperated expression of his agony he cried out, "Why?! Why?! did Eve have to eat that apple?!!". In his young age he could see the connection between that first act of defiance against God and, consequently, the trouble in which it left us all. I, personally, am glad it was Eve and not me who was in the position of committing the Original Sin. I have no doubt that I would have been unable to hold out. Could any of us? How often does it seem easier to give in to what offends God---not just what we DO but also what we THINK!? Yikes. I challenge you to finish out the hour, the day or the week without breaking a single one of God's commandments.  If you don't know God's Big Ten then I encourage you to look them up. You can follow this link to a few selected translations of the Ten Commandments as they're given in the Bible: https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Exodus+20%3A1-17+&version=NIV;NLT;MSG

Not so easy, huh?

I know this can seem impossible to remedy. How in the world can anyone be expected to do it all without ever messing up? And who doesn't get tired and sometimes just lose steam? Even knowing what is the better way is no defense against slipping up because I might have a moment of weakness. I know I am more tempted to abandon my efforts when I feel like I just can't succeed. Obstacles might be real or perceived but for whatever the reason sometimes I just feel beat so why continue the battle? I'll tell you why. Because giving up the good fight can seem like it's easy. But it's not. Giving up and surrendering to despair is not easy. No amount of hard work, self sacrifice or humble surrender is as hard as feeling hopeless. God gave a way for us to be sure in our hope. He made staying the course easier---maybe not easy, but so much easier than without Him-- "Pursue a righteous life—a life of wonder, faith, love, steadiness, courtesy. Run hard and fast in the faith. Seize the eternal life, the life you were called to, the life you so fervently embraced in the presence of so many witnesses." (1 Timothy 6:12, The Message).  Jesus did all those things perfectly that I could never do and then gave me the credit. He did that for you, too. And for every human being ever born or to be born. And God is merciful so our offenses are forgiven. That means although there could be earthly consequences for the choices we make we are not held responsible to pay for our sins in eternity. Sound too good to be true? It is amazing. Yet not too much for the God of All Creation to accomplish.

No way I'm able to always give 100%.  My efforts are inconsistent. Thank God it's not about me and what I can or can't, do or don't do. I know I can count on God's Word to lead me to the Best Case Scenario and God will help me in every way to do so. Maybe not easy but certainly worth it!

"So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded.

You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised. For,

“In just a little while,
    he who is coming will come
    and will not delay.”

~Hebrews 10:35-37

Plateaus

 "As you learn more and more how God works, you will learn how to do your work. We pray that you’ll have the strength to stick it out over the long haul—not the grim strength of gritting your teeth but the glory-strength God gives. It is strength that endures the unendurable and spills over into joy, thanking the Father who makes us strong enough to take part in everything bright and beautiful that he has for us."~ Colossians 1:10-12, The Message

Kind of in a funk these days. Most people I know from our region teeter on that edge after a very long and hard winter. We have hopes of rejuvenation with Spring. The problem is Spring hasn't turned out to be very "springy". Days have been cold, often wet and blustery. Our long wait is being extended much to our collective distress. In a sense the weather poses as somewhat of a plateau---we trod along knowing at some point this trek will end with our reward of sunshine and warmth. Eventually we'll approach the next mountain but until then we just want the wanting to be satisfied.

I find I hit these plateaus in other areas of my life as well. Recently I passed over a plateau in my weight loss journey. I was making good strides in my ascent to the top of the Mountain of My Goals, following my program and reaping the benefits of those changes. It's easy for me to be faithful when the payoff is consistent to my expectations. Then the scale started to slow down. Same dedication on my part to stay on my program but I wasn't seeing the same level of success. I kept plodding along. I'd tell myself I have only two paths--to continue forward or go back to my old ways which were not beneficial. I set my mind on mustering up as much determination as I can to stick to the new course. After a couple of slow months the weight loss seemed to halt all together. Then, I think, "This is too much! I can wait out a slow down but not a complete shut down!". I continued to be faithful to my program but it just wasn't delivering the results I desired. I arrived at the Dreaded Plateau. Again, I tried to set my mind to push through knowing (hoping) it was just a matter of time to let my body adjust. I discovered something about plateaus. They require patience. And perseverance. Both of these were becoming in short supply as the weeks went by. I can't say that I was deep in The Valley; I've been in The Valley before and it's a different place. For me The Valley is a deep place. A solitary place that borders on desperation and hopelessness. The climb out of The Valley is a path worn down by Surrender, Trust and Faith. It is not a place I like to be although even there it is rich and fertile in opportunities for growth. The Plateau is not a deep, dark place for me but a long stretch without a clear end in sight. It, too, offers opportunity for growth. I've discovered I really do not know my own limits. When I think I've reached the end of what I can take I'm tested to go just a bit further. Sometimes I confuse the Plateau with a cliff and fear the only way of escape is to hurl myself off. That would result in me ending up right back where I started and, frankly, I'm getting tired of re-climbing the same mountain. The Plateau plagues me with doubt and fear that I just don't have what it takes to keep going. My own resolve is not enough. I need assurances and encouragement. I need a Promise to the end of the wanting.

I experience the same challenges in my faith life, my marriage, my parenting, my friendships. They all require me to pass over different terrains. Each time I have a choice to move forward in submission to God's ways that promise the best possible outcome or to return to ways that I know are not beneficial. Seems like it should be an easy choice. It isn't always. Those old ways are familiar and some deeply ingrained. Some have become so much a part of me that letting them go leaves me feeling dismembered and vulnerable; unable to function. It takes time, patience and practice for me to learn to navigate. I need stable, level ground to regain my footing and prepare me for my next climb. So here I am. Gaining strength. Exercising Trust, Patience and Faith in God's promises. Persevering.

"And that’s not all. We are full of joy even when we suffer. We know that our suffering gives us the strength to go on. The strength to go on produces character. Character produces hope. And hope will never let us down. God has poured his love into our hearts. He did it through the Holy Spirit, whom he has given to us." ~Romans 5:3-5, NIRV

Trending

Hmmmm...looking back over my posts I'm seeing a trend. Most obvious is my lack of consistency in posting---only ONE post in 2013! Geesh. It's not that I don't have a thought more than once a year. I'm just not good at deliberately posting regularly. Another common trend in my posts relates to my efforts to gain control of a healthy weight. That has been a recurring theme my whole life. And then there is the underlying spiritual aspect of my posts. This is the one trend I'd be happy to continue!

Basically not much has changed from this time last year. I am currently committed to a new effort to restore a healthy relationship with food. I am happy to report it's going well. The key for me is finding a method that allows me to have control over my food choices. I don't do well with a highly restrictive approach or one that requires me to depend on only certain products. It brings out the rebellious nature in me and I find myself resenting the confines of the cure. The bottom line is I "can" eat anything I want. I really hate it when people see me eating something that's not fat-free or raw and they ask, "Can you eat that?". The Not Very Nice Part of Me wants to say, "Um, Yes, just watch me!". The more suitable question for me is not whether or not I can have something but whether or not it's worth it. Worth the trade-off between desire and benefit. Is what I'm eating going to fulfill the bigger desire I have to feel good and respect the gifts of body and health God gave me or only satisfy an immediate desire? It's all about choices. I can choose to eat less of things that are harmful and/or less beneficial or eat more foods that support my greater desire for balance. I can choose. I. Can. Choose. The biggest difference for me right now at this very point in my life is that I consciously ask myself before putting anything in my mouth, "Is this worth it?". I find answering that question is making it very manageable for me to stay on track. I pray that I will continue to feel convicted to face this issue with confidence and a steadfast desire to make choices that benefit me and, consequently, those around me.

I find this same approach is good for my spiritual state. Time reading my Bible and time spent in prayer are the major ways I learn about God, His nature, and the ways He directs me to live. Because Jesus was sent to do for me what I could never accomplish I have a lot of freedom. Freedom to make beneficial choices and freedom to make mistakes. I don't "have" to follow the letter of the Law to be assured of my salvation; that's what Jesus did for me. Now, knowing that, I need to ask myself, "Is this worth it?" when I think on stuff, speak, or do something. What is it I  really want? Immediate gratification? Control? Accolades? I need to examine my deeper motives and the outcome of my choices. Sometimes my motives are very selfish. When I make that my focus I'm not really considering how I represent my Savior or the impact I have on those around me. What I really want is to glorify God in what I think, say and do. That often means I don't choose my own way. My way is much more self-serving. And rude. And loud. And sometimes unkind. I can be that way and God will still love me. Christ's work will still be enough to cover my sins and shortcomings. However, if I make a conscious choice to consider the trade-off to submit to God's way of doing things I find unending benefits. Usually things go better for me and I know they go better for those around me. I feel better. Even when it's really hard NOT to do what I have the urge to do I find that I am happier when I choose God's way. I don't have to practice what's harmful or less beneficial; I have the support and power of an Almighty God to help me make better choices. I pray that I will continue to feel convicted to examine myself with confidence and a steadfast desire to glorify God.

" “I have the right to do anything,” you say—but not everything is beneficial. “I have the right to do anything”—but not everything is constructive. No one should seek their own good, but the good of others."
" So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. Do not cause anyone to stumble, whether Jews, Greeks or the church of God— even as I try to please everyone in every way. For I am not seeking my own good but the good of many, so that they may be saved." 
~1 Corinthians 10:23-23; 31-33

Money and Happiness

True to my bulimic nature it's been a long time since I've posted and today I find myself almost busting with the need to purge. I feel I could write a novel! When I reach this point it's hard to know where to start and what thought to tap into first. I guess I'll start with the one that was first on my mind today.

Over the past several months I've been feeling withdrawn---but not in a scary way which in my past has brought me to very dark places. This has been more of a quietness. I find I like this place of quiet. I haven't had much to say. I've been listening. I believe I need times like this to hear God as I continue to look for direction along life's path. Anyway, lately I've been seeing that my role and identity is changing. It needs to change. Our kids are getting older and their needs change accordingly. I can't parent them like I did when they were infants, toddlers, young. Our business is changing and we need to prepare ourselves for the next stage of our working lives. Our marriage is changing and I'm finding that we need to work hard to grow in our relationship; we are not "we" unless we are willing to do whatever it takes to keep reaching for each other. I'm finding it a challenge to prioritize my energy. Because I don't feel I have sure footing in any of these areas I feel a little fragile.

That brings me to the Money and Happiness part of this post. Recently the kids were ribbing me about not saving a lot of their childhood memorabilia. Just to clarify, I did save some things but admittedly, not a lot. I am not very sentimental. That in no way means I don't love our kids to the point that I would die for them and have given most of my life to their care. I think I do a pretty consistent job celebrating their accomplishments and honoring their character as they grow.  I don't attach my feelings for people on things nor do I feel the need to have things to remember what I want to remember. The kids apparently had different expectations for me and it's clear I haven't measured up. I have to admit I felt sad after this little exchange. Not because I was hurt by their thoughts and feelings---they are entitled to their own. I guess I felt a sort of loss although I'm not sure how to define what I lost. I want to pass something valuable on to my kids and I'm not sure I hit the mark. There was a time in my life when I had very few responsibilities and some decent money. I could buy pretty much what I wanted when I wanted it. I wasn't a millionaire but I lived well and didn't worry about money and had lots of nice stuff. By no means was I happy. I looked good and did lots of fun things but happiness eluded me. The Bible says the love of money is the root of all evil. Money is not evil---it's the LOVE of money that is rooted in evil. Money can buy lots of fun and stuff. Some of that could be evil. Money can also be helpful if applied to assist those in need. Either way, Money does not equal Happiness. Happiness comes from a whole different place and it may or may not be present in conjunction with Money. The greatest happiness I know is knowing who I am according to how I am defined through Christ Jesus. THIS is the Golden Nugget I hope to leave with our children. I desperately want them to be happy with Who they are in Christ and not what they have or what they've done. I want for them to know the truth. I think my sadness was feeling a loss of confidence that this lesson might be lost to our children.

I realize they are still growing and have a lot to learn as they approach adulthood and forever thereafter. I realize I have a lot to learn. I still have hope for them and for me. I don't know how the Lord will work in their hearts and lives but I do know He will. Where I lack confidence in my efforts I know God is not lacking in any way.

Testing, 1..2..3, Testing...

I never felt threatened by tests. During my educational career tests weren't a big deal. I'm one of those fortunate people that easily grasped and understood the material I received and tests didn't require me to study a great deal. Now I'm smack dab in the middle of one of the greatest test I've ever faced. It's not the written kind but a spiritual test. The details of the collection of circumstances that lead me to this place are unimportant. The important thing for me is to pass the test according to what will most please my Lord and Savior. I've had lots of feelings to sort through. While I want to honor and examine the basis for my feelings I don't want to navigate through life according to how I feel. Feelings come and go. I don't know about you but my heart is prone to corruption and my feelings can be a result of misunderstandings, errors in my perceptions, and influenced by worldly opinions and practices. I left out pure, unadulterated selfishness which can also be a huge contributing factor in stirring up my feelings. I also tend to be a Thinking Individual and I can get absorbed in my thoughts which, again, can be under the influence of things that are temporary and corrupt. I want to make important decisions based on what is lasting, what is perfect, what is pure and what is much, much bigger than my small, individual circumstances. I want to want what God wants. On my own my efforts leave me tired, frustrated and often feeling hopeless. There are countless books, DVD's, and people full of encouragement and good scriptural teaching but none of them can change my heart. The only things that can change me from the inside out are God's Word, the work of the Spirit and Christ's love that saves me from myself. While nothing outside of me may or may not change I cling to the hope that God can change me to be a blessing within the circumstances that exist. This is not a magical wave of a wand and *poof!* my life is all better. I'm learning that sometimes those blessings come after suffering. They come after the storm. They come after years of roaming around in the desert. When God prepares me for something and I respond with obedience I am blessed beyond what makes any sense. Typically then those times are followed by another period of growth and testing--it's back to the desert for a while! God has a way of letting me figure out that when all else isn't enough what is left is Him. Sometimes this takes me a long time. He's very patient. When I feel completely lost and I have nothing left to cling to I seek Him with a vengeance and discover He never left but was simply waiting. Waiting to whisper to me in His still, small voice. Just for me He whispers in my ear, "I love you.", "Everything will be OK; I've got your back.", "I see you, I know you, I want you."  He tells me how He wants to give me even more than I ever hoped for and that will require me to give some things up. He's asking me, "How much do you love Me? Enough to trust Me? Enough to let Me take the burden? Enough to let Me have My Way with you?" This is the test. Now it's crystal clear.

Dear God, keep working on my heart...

Bread

"I am the bread of life." (John 6:48) This is a pretty clear statement. Apart from Christ I can't live feeling fed, nurtured and healthy spiritually, emotionally and physically. If you've been following my blog you're aware I have wrestled with food issues my entire life and as a Christian it has been especially difficult to have my physical body in such conflict with my spiritual self. I have succeeded and failed at literally hundreds of diets so I'm not quick to jump on any new bandwagons regarding diets or even new "health" breakthroughs. I have always believed moderation is the key and in line with biblical teaching to practice good use of all the resources and gifts God provides. 

Recently I purchased and read the "Wheat Belly" book by Dr. William Davis. My reason for doing so was because what I read about the book seemed to address many of the afflictions I felt from my poor eating habits. Notice I said "habits" and not "choices". While at times I make poor food choices for the most part I have been feeding myself and my family what I thought was a very healthy diet---whole foods, very little processed foods if any, privately raised beef, pork, and chicken, fruits, vegetables and lots of whole grain replacements for highly processed flour products. What I ate seemed relatively good but my portions and eating patterns grow out of control based on any number of external influences. Anyway, I did know I needed to eat less and move more. I didn't know my food choices had such a dramatic effect on my body until I started making changes. I'm not going to address the science behind Dr. Davis' findings or any possible commercial motives. I don't really care about those things. All I care about is whether or not this might make some difference in my battles keeping food in it's place along with putting God back in His rightful place as No. 1 in my life for all things at all times ("Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."~Philippians 4:6)This is how I started:

•  I prayed like crazy and asked lots of other people to pray for me. This is simple but not easy and I knew I would need all the prayers I could get!
• I purged our home of All Things Wheat to the best of my knowledge (and that continues to grow!)
• I removed any other grain flours and products and rice and replaced then with foods with lower Glycemic Index values since I've been concerned about the threat of diabetes.
• I stocked up on more vegetables, some fruits, and low GI sweeteners---like Blue Agave Syrup vs. Maple Syrup or Honey.
• I plan meals so I have the necessary ingredients, remember to allow time to thaw the meat, and provide a variety of tasty meals for me and my family.

This has been my experience so far (2 Weeks):

• Within 3 days I had NO heartburn, the edema in my legs and feet was virtually gone, my energy and clarity increased and I wasn't nodding off every time I sat down.
• By the end of the first week I noticed my skin condition was noticeably improved--skin eruptions were nearly gone and healing, itchiness was gone--, I no longer had a "coating" in my mouth when I woke up and I was sleeping (finally!!) for longer periods at night up to four or five hours from the previous 2-3 hours maximum before, a complete absence of stomach discomfort and pain, the joint discomfort that had been growing was gone,and I lost 4 lbs. without exercising.
• By the end of the second week I noticed continued increase in energy and improved sleeping, my eyebrows started growing back, my hair got darker (my hairdresser noticed and commented before she knew I had made some dietary changes), I started walking because I could bend over to get my socks on and tie my shoes without hurting myself and I lost close to 7 lbs.

Now I don't know if I had a slice of bread this would all be undone but I have no desire to find out. I'm not hungry ever. I eat really good meals and eat until I feel satisfied which is becoming less and less. I feel like I've lost the weight of a burden much greater than the 10+ lbs. I've actually lost so far. I'm feasting on the Bread of Life and feeling the deep peace that I have only ever felt from the love of my Savior and keeping him at the center of my heart's desire. I can't think beyond this day or I get scared of the possibility of another failure. Day by day, choice by choice I'm trusting God to help me make decisions that honor Him and will open the door to the way God wants to bless me. Please keep me in your prayers and if I can pray for you don't hesitate to ask...it would be a privilege.

Childish Things…

It’s been a while since I’ve posted. Things around here seem to take on a momentum of their own from late November through the end of January. There are the obvious extra preparations for the holidays.  Add three family birthdays (the kids and me) and an unexpected flooring project resulting from a septic system backup and consequent flood in our home office and some serious but not tragic illnesses with the kids. Then with our business there are extra forms and reports to prepare and file. You know--life is busy! I get really, really tired and I can’t say I make much of an effort to take extra good care of myself. In fact I’m in the worse shape I’ve ever been in my whole life.  I feel it, too. I don’t sleep well.  Everything I do is becoming a labor. I feel myself slipping into fear and I don’t want to live in fear. I’ve struggled with getting a grip on my personal health/weight issues as long as I can remember. For the life of me I don’t know what keeps me from getting motivated to do what it is required and sticking to it. I keep waiting to feel “ready” but even when I think I’m ready my conviction fades rapidly. By nature I’m not a lazy person and I’m very stubborn so a weak will is not the problem.  I have the intelligence to understand my situation and the resources to address it yet I don’t.  I imagine most of you have that thing you wish you would stop doing but don’t.  I go back and forth between feeling frustrated, angry, ashamed and completely confused on the “Why?” why do I continue down this path to destruction? Anyway, I pray for the conviction to take the necessary responsibility for my physical well-being.  And then I read and listen to scripture and listen for the answer. This is what I heard, “When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.” ~1 Corinthians 13:11

I think I got it. Wishing things were different for me is never going to get me there.  I can’t do whatever I feel like without consequences. Like I learned a long time ago in science class every action has a reaction. I simply can’t have my cake and eat it, too. A seriously potent Big Girl Pill is in order.  This is where I to cling to God’s promises that He will provide what I need to grow up and make better use of the resources and gifts He has so generously given me. I have made some consistently poor choices and I am dearly Paying the Piper. So my choices now are to wallow in regret and self pity or keep trying to make the necessary changes. I know I can’t do this alone---the temptation to fall back into old habits is very strong. I’m making a plan. I’m including others in my plan not so they can monitor my progress but because I know they’ll care and that will help me care. I asked for my family’s help and I am truly blessed they are so willing to share this journey with me because I literally asked them if I could totally purge our household of all the foods I want to eliminate and that was an extensive list.  They not only agreed but shared their enthusiasm to try new things and commit to practicing healthy living. I also arranged to be involved in a Bible study with a couple friends that will help me feed on the Bread of Life and fill all those empty spaces I keep trying to fill with food.

If you’re a praying person I’ll ask for your prayers as well. I’ve been in this spot before and I know I can either stay here or follow Christ to a better place.

I’ll keep you posted…